We always hear that every pregnancy is different. It isn’t the same for everyone. But sometimes pregnancy can be the hardest time in a woman’s life. For me, my current pregnancy has left me feeling like a failure.
Having a baby is meant to be one of the happiest times in your life. The excitement and the counting down from the day that you get 2 lines on a test. Unfortunately it’s not always like that. There seems to be a taboo around women saying that they don’t enjoy pregnancy or that they aren’t excited to be pregnant. I never really understood how someone couldn’t be anything but excited during pregnancy but since becoming pregnant this time round, I now completely understand.
As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I began to feel sick. Nothing more, just feeling sick all the time. It wasn’t until I was around 10 weeks that I started being sick. After a few weeks, I had my first hospital admission. Dehydration because I couldn’t eat or drink anything. 24 hours in hospital and fluid through a drip. I walked out of the hospital with a diagnosis of Hyperemesis Gravidarum. At that point, all I knew about it was that Kate Middleton and I had something in common. I knew that I was struggling with HG and sickness during this pregnancy but I didn’t realise how debilitating it could be.
In between my first and second hospital admission, I tried 3 different medications with only one of them actually working. Second admission was only for the day. Dehydration again. This time because I heavy relied on my medication and my GP couldn’t get any so I had run out. 48 hours of no eating and drinking again had taken its toll.
I guess I had got to a point where I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t eat because I would be sick but I had to eat because I felt like if I didn’t I was a bad mum to my unborn son. I am only 23 weeks and dealing with HG since around 10 weeks has left me counting down the weeks until my son is here. I’ve felt like a failure. I am a women but yet I can’t even make a baby properly. The one thing I am meant to be able to do, leaves me feeling like I am going to die from being sick so much.
At 23 weeks pregnant, I still have a while to go. I am dependant on medication to be able to eat and drink and I am on anti depressants to help me with feeling low about HG. The one thing I have been lucky with is the support I have had, both at home and online. There are so many women that struggle with pregnancy but there is support groups that can help. Pregnancy Sickness Support helped me so much as well as other bloggers.