Father’s Day after abuse

Trigger warning – Abuse

To the child, the person, the partner, the other parent,  the survivor, the warrior.

This day isn’t easy for everyone.

I see you on Father’s Day scrolling through social media. Walking down  the aisles of the supermarket. You are looking at the mountain of Father’s Day paraphernalia. The card, the mug, the shirt, all that say No.1 dad.

Each mind processes things differently. I see those mugs, cards, shirts and my mind goes to ‘what does my dad want for Father’s Day?’

The answer. Nothing.

I haven’t lost my dad to illness, death or family separation. My dad is still here, my life is just without one.
It was never because he didn’t want to be a dad. It is hard to say why because we don’t know why abuse happens. We don’t understand why domestic violence has to happen. It should never happen. But it does.

Father’s Day. A day we celebrate dad’s. A day we show them just how amazing they are or used to be if they are no longer with us.

For me, I had many Father’s Days with my dad. I would make cards, buy presents, everything a person with a dad does for Father’s Day.
But now, my Father’s Day is looking at cards, shirts and mugs wishing that I could buy them for my children to give their grandad. I see things and save them to buy my dad.

Only my dad is no longer here due to abuse. Due to trying to make my life awful and here I am looking at cards that say best dad.

I guess your mind is a funny thing and Father’s Day will always be tricky. I guess it will take some time to get over the fact that I am fatherless, only my dad is still alive.

So to the child, the person, the partner, the other parent, the  survivor, the warrior. We are all here. I think we wonder the same things today.  This day will always be a day that we think about the abuser, the narcissist, the enemy, the person we used to call Dad.