Trigger warning
This week marks Birth Trauma Awareness week. A week that means alot to me. I had a traumatic birth with Cleo back when she was born in 2017.
I have spoken alot about the trauma that I went through when I gave birth to Cleo. Her pregnancy had its troubles, lets just out it like that and because of this I was induced. What happened next was classed as a traumatic birth.
I had an allergic reaction to the pessary that they induce you with. I was induced with Elsa so we didn’t think that anything would go wrong. We were wrong.
I went from having no pain to having the worst horrible pains. It was constant contractions that no matter how many pain killers I had wouldn’t go away. I remember laying there scared and in intense pain and I heard another woman say ‘ It must be her first baby. She has only been here a few hours. She is putting it on and isn’t in labour yet.’ then another women commented on how I spoke to Jonny and that I was being horrible to my husband.
After being in pain for a good 5/10 minutes, the midwife came in and check on me and Cleo. My contractions were constant and Cleo’s heart rate was 200 which is a huge cause for concern. She was in distress. I was injected with medication to stop my contractions and to help both myself and Cleo. It didn’t work even after having 2 or 3 injections.
Next thing I knew, I had 3 midwifes, 2 nurses and a doctor beside the bed. Then I heard the words: ‘ it might have to be a c-section’.
I cried. I didn’t want a c-section.
About 30 seconds later, the red buzzer was pressed. Jonny was pushed in the corner and not told anything as they rushed me down to theatre. I don’t remember much after that apart from signing something, my pjs being ripped off me, socks being put on my feet and being very very cold. A midwife lent over me and told me that I was being put to sleep and that everything will be ok. Then blackness.
While I was under, Jonny knew nothing. He was told when Cleo was born and she was brought out to him after she had been sorted out but he knew nothing about how I was. From being rushed down theatre to waking up was about 4 hours. I woke up in recovery with Jonny holding Cleo and also my Mum standing there. I later found out that Jonny text my Mum saying: They have taken her. That text will forever hurt. He knew nothing. Life was a blur.
Cleo stopped breathing and they managed to get her back quickly. Thankfully she was ok.
My recovery was ok when it came to my c-section scar. My mind was another thing though. Not long after this happened, I was diagnosis with PTSD and PND. I couldn’t even look at the hospital. Cleo had an appointment in the hospital and I broke down and had a panic attack. It took alot of time and therapy including EDMR to get to a point where I considered myself ok.
I went on to have Brody by c-section and I didn’t affect be as much as I thought it would.
I can proudly say that I am proud of myself do overcoming this. We now have other hospital appointments with Cleo as she is suspected to be Autistic.
Birth trauma will always be a part of my life.
You can find out more on the Birth trauma awareness website
The Coastal Mummy 