Doesn’t trauma work in odd ways?
I love my loungefly bags and any one that sees my collection will know that I am a huge disney fan. Like most adult Disney fans, it reminds us of our childhood and that is why we love it so much.
Since my dad left my life. The odd thing will trigger trauma. A place. A food. A date. Something as so random such as a can of drink and others have a big reason such as Christmas or birthdays.
My dad was abusive. I’ve spoken about it before and it’s no secret that I have some form of ptsd from the experience. Triggers are something that I am used too. This ptsd isn’t my first rodeo with the condition. I had it from Cleo’s birth. I normally know what triggers and how I can control it to some degree.
A few weeks ago I got another loungefly bag. It was a Big Thunder Mountain themed bag from DisneyLand. I love the bag. But it triggers a part of my brain that just reminds me of my dad. We visited DisneyWorld when I was younger and in 2018, we went to Disneyland Paris. The bag reminds me of being there with him. To be honest, they are great memories. I will never forget those holidays. What I want to forget is his face every single time I look at that bag.
It’s just a bag but it is also a trigger. The brain works in such odd ways. Why does it connect that ride at Disney with him? All I can see when I look at that bag is him and then all the bad memories of him come flooding back.
It’s just a bag and it needs to go.