4 years on….

Trigger warning!

This day feels different as every year goes by and it is hard to explain why. 4 years ago, I was sat in the hospital being told that I was having a miscarriage. It wasn’t a planned pregnancy but my heart broke all the same. We were not expecting a baby. Let alone, a miscarriage and the whole experience that he had to go through. Weeks of blood tests and waiting for my body to let go. It finally did even though it didn’t want too. It feels strange that it has been 4 years. January 13th will always be the day that we lost our baby. It will always be the day that my heart broke in a way I never imagined that it could.

4 years on and there are still what ifs. They will always be there. I have never really had a good experience with my local hospital and this didn’t help. If anything it just confirmed my thoughts that it was a place you go where bad things happen. Since my 2nd child’s birth thre that went horribly wrong, it was a place of dread and then after the miscarriage just 18 months after her birth, it became a place that I didn’t want to visit again. That couldn’t be the way though and of course, you can’t stay away from a hospital.

Here we are…4 years later and still writing on this blog about my experience. This blog has and always will be my online journal. My little space on the internet.

4 years later. I can’t believe it has been that long but at the same time. It feels like yesterday. Baby Fisher will always be a what if. A part of my life that I never got to hold but will always have a place in my heart.

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