*Yet another blog post about social media*
But I need to get this off my chest, I need other people to understand that just because I am a blogger that social media doesn’t come easy and it isn’t something I always enjoy. It is completely fine for it to be that way. Everyone has ups and downs with their job, in reality that blogging is my job. I started it with no intention of it to become what it is now and I will always be grateful for the opportunities I have had from blogging being a career, just sometimes I write and post on social media and then write some more and before I know it I have spent all day at my laptop or with my phone in my hand. I expect it to some degree as blogging is a full-time job. I wake up and check my phone and have my phone beside my bed and check it once more before I go to sleep, there is no 9-5.
The consent cycle of this had led me to have a repetitive sprain injury in my right hand. It isn’t healthy. Naturally you think about having time off but that is where the pressure comes from. The needing to be present online, not posting for a day means that engagement drops massively. I used to love being on Instagram but unfortunately that spark has gone out. I know it will come back one day but for now it is a chore to even look on there.
The biggest problem is how it affects your mental health. Since giving birth to Cleo, I have been suffering with post natal depression and post traumatic stress disorder. Maybe it will be a blog post for another time but now I can’t speak about it. Being on social media should in theory mean that you have support at your fingertips. If anything it does the opposite.
Every time I log on a Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, I see nothing but negative comments and as petty as it sounds, I see other bloggers doing things and I want to be doing that too. To me, they are progressing and I am just here. Even if I have the number of people on my blog every minute of the day, social media makes me believe that I am not good enough. When mental health really takes over, nothing can help. That is just the way it is. I then don’t post or don’t put in as much effort. Then begins the cycle of bad engagement and not feeling good enough. The less you post the worse the engagement? That is what I have experienced.
That profile visit number on the top of my Instagram profile drops lower and lower everyday that my mental health is bad. In turn it makes me feel worse. Why is something that isn’t even real making me feel inadequate? Why is the opinion of strangers that important to me?
It is just the way it is in this day and age. But it shouldn’t be. As a blogger, I want to be able to go on my phone without the pressure of posting that perfect Instagramable shot. I guess I have to pick one or the other. Good engagement or being sane? It is a ridiculous decision to make. It is not one to take lightly. After all blogging and social media is my job. I need to love doing what I am doing and that love will come back again soon but for now I need to focus on making my mental health better for me and my family even if that means not worrying about the online world.